Das Blog
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
English Soccer Hooligans
Lucky Cologne. Of all the teams playing in the World Cup, we hosted all the England games-- the rumored loudest, rowdiest, most obnoxious fans of all. So we've had an onslaught of English tourists camping out in my neighborhood.
Thing is, nothing happened. They were reportedly well behaved, no incidents, and in fact some German fans were the only ones arrested after the England game for being obnoxious (and Germany wasn't even playing.)
But this meant I had to walk my dog through the English Fan squatter/camping base along the Rhine, and had my own little World Cup experience. It was about 11am on a Sunday morning, but the atmosphere was loud and carnivalesque, and a visibly drunk and playful fan shouted a german phrase to me I didn't understand. When I shouted back "I don't speak german!" of course where are you from etc. followed.
He was friendly enough to offer me a bottle of water for the dog, and as soon as I offered it to her, he said "OH, sorry, that's got vodka in it" and staggered off.
(That is not him pictured above, but this illustrates that fact that I am a moron and thought that was the Danish flag. The English fans would wave the Union Jack, right? Wrong. That's the flag of the U.K, silly. This is the flag of just England, which I'd never seen before.)
¶ 9:41 PM 3 comments
Lucky Cologne. Of all the teams playing in the World Cup, we hosted all the England games-- the rumored loudest, rowdiest, most obnoxious fans of all. So we've had an onslaught of English tourists camping out in my neighborhood. Thing is, nothing happened. They were reportedly well behaved, no incidents, and in fact some German fans were the only ones arrested after the England game for being obnoxious (and Germany wasn't even playing.)
But this meant I had to walk my dog through the English Fan squatter/camping base along the Rhine, and had my own little World Cup experience. It was about 11am on a Sunday morning, but the atmosphere was loud and carnivalesque, and a visibly drunk and playful fan shouted a german phrase to me I didn't understand. When I shouted back "I don't speak german!" of course where are you from etc. followed.
He was friendly enough to offer me a bottle of water for the dog, and as soon as I offered it to her, he said "OH, sorry, that's got vodka in it" and staggered off.
(That is not him pictured above, but this illustrates that fact that I am a moron and thought that was the Danish flag. The English fans would wave the Union Jack, right? Wrong. That's the flag of the U.K, silly. This is the flag of just England, which I'd never seen before.)
¶ 9:41 PM 3 comments
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Rats Pharmacy
Had to share this vacation find with you, it's a Pharmacy:
And look at this interesting snailey-snail thing I found, and got really excited about until K ruined it for me and told me they're everywhere in North D'land. 
Still, they're new to me. Apparently it's like a german seeing a racoon in the US, it's really exciting because they don't have them, but we've grown up seeing them around like squirrels. (There's now a small population of US racoons here now thanks to they assume some Army dudes who brought them over and set them loose.)
¶ 6:04 PM 4 comments
And look at this interesting snailey-snail thing I found, and got really excited about until K ruined it for me and told me they're everywhere in North D'land. 
Still, they're new to me. Apparently it's like a german seeing a racoon in the US, it's really exciting because they don't have them, but we've grown up seeing them around like squirrels. (There's now a small population of US racoons here now thanks to they assume some Army dudes who brought them over and set them loose.)
¶ 6:04 PM 4 comments
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Lord Malte von Putbus
Says the hideous official Isle of Ruegen website: "People seeking rest cures first began to arrive on Ruegen in the 19th century. Lord Malte of Putbus had already had the residential town of Putbusbuilt on the Italian design..."
Thanks to this tidbit, we couldn't stop saying 'Lord Malte von Putbus!' which eventually shortened to just 'PUTBUS!' and poor Olive has yet another new nickname 'Lady Putbus.' It never lost it's charm. I looked for a t-shirt or postcard, but they're apparently not as into Putbus as we were.
Lucky for you my plan (dream, really) of a photo essay on "Socks-and-Sandals' didn't pan out, so here's me on the beach in Ruegen. Of course they don't have normal deck chairs in Germany, instead you sit in what translates to a beach basket, which is as claustrophobic and view-blocking as it looks. It's also delightful to sit right up against the person next to you, rubbing sweaty, sunscreened elbows and knees all afternoon. Here's me sitting in one, trying to finish the neverending Middlemarch.
We lucked out and got great views from both hotels. Here's the view from the first posh one featured yesterday. How cute is this? They've really got the cute going on in Euroland.
Second stop was a decidedly less posh, more on the granola side hotel, still with an ultra-cute view. It looks like the boat is in the grass but there's really a little inlet there.
The weather turned considerably cooler and cloudier in Granola Town. Here I am freezing and unhappy on the 'natural' beach without beach baskets when you really need them, still trying to finish Middlemarch.
I finally finishedMiddlemarch on the last day of our trip. It's worth the four and a half stars it gest on Amazon. ¶ 9:07 PM 3 comments
Thanks to this tidbit, we couldn't stop saying 'Lord Malte von Putbus!' which eventually shortened to just 'PUTBUS!' and poor Olive has yet another new nickname 'Lady Putbus.' It never lost it's charm. I looked for a t-shirt or postcard, but they're apparently not as into Putbus as we were.
Lucky for you my plan (dream, really) of a photo essay on "Socks-and-Sandals' didn't pan out, so here's me on the beach in Ruegen. Of course they don't have normal deck chairs in Germany, instead you sit in what translates to a beach basket, which is as claustrophobic and view-blocking as it looks. It's also delightful to sit right up against the person next to you, rubbing sweaty, sunscreened elbows and knees all afternoon. Here's me sitting in one, trying to finish the neverending Middlemarch.
We lucked out and got great views from both hotels. Here's the view from the first posh one featured yesterday. How cute is this? They've really got the cute going on in Euroland.
Second stop was a decidedly less posh, more on the granola side hotel, still with an ultra-cute view. It looks like the boat is in the grass but there's really a little inlet there.
The weather turned considerably cooler and cloudier in Granola Town. Here I am freezing and unhappy on the 'natural' beach without beach baskets when you really need them, still trying to finish Middlemarch.
I finally finishedMiddlemarch on the last day of our trip. It's worth the four and a half stars it gest on Amazon. ¶ 9:07 PM 3 comments
Monday, June 19, 2006
Happy Fronleichnam!
Hi All, I'm back from vacation and posting late this public holiday missed while I was away. Didn't think we could go the week without a holiday, did you? It was the feast of Corpus Christi, maybe something about the (symbolic?) eating of Christ's body? I can guarantee nobody feasted, they spent the day off sunning themselves nude in the park, drinking beer.
And we've returned from the north coast free of bird flu, or no symptoms yet, anyway. So the discounted rooms were worth it!
And look at this room, I felt like I was staying in a Ralph Lauren Home® store. We got this really cheap after a few dozen seagulls turned up on the beach with bird flu. But that was a few MONTHS ago, and we only saw one bird carcass the whole time! We didn't pet or step on it or anything, so I figure we're fine.
¶ 5:52 PM 1 comments
And we've returned from the north coast free of bird flu, or no symptoms yet, anyway. So the discounted rooms were worth it!
And look at this room, I felt like I was staying in a Ralph Lauren Home® store. We got this really cheap after a few dozen seagulls turned up on the beach with bird flu. But that was a few MONTHS ago, and we only saw one bird carcass the whole time! We didn't pet or step on it or anything, so I figure we're fine.
¶ 5:52 PM 1 comments
Friday, June 09, 2006
Vacation, More of This:
Spring has finally sprung in Deutschland, and my neighbors have torn off their clothes and are sunning themselves in the park.
Here, this guy looks a little better. But please note that is not a bathing suit he's wearing, it's bikini-cut jockey-stlye underwear. In a public park. Which he stripped down to, publicly, once he got out there. 
I am going on vacation this week, to the beach in northern germany, and I'm sure I'll be surrounded by a lot more of the same.
¶ 5:40 PM 4 comments
Here, this guy looks a little better. But please note that is not a bathing suit he's wearing, it's bikini-cut jockey-stlye underwear. In a public park. Which he stripped down to, publicly, once he got out there. 
I am going on vacation this week, to the beach in northern germany, and I'm sure I'll be surrounded by a lot more of the same.
¶ 5:40 PM 4 comments
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Oxfam Finds
In Cologne the we don't go to Salvation Army to buy junk, it's the Oxfam store. And my Oxfam store is a treasure trove, particularly the books.
Seems a lot of english speakers/readers in the area use it as a general book swap. That's what I do. I find great books, read them, then give them back just to keep them in circulation. Kind of like Netflix, only you don't get to choose what you read next, it's the luck of the draw. Today I found:
The Little Friend: Donna Tartt
I buy about 90% of my reading material from Oxfam, and it's interesting because my taste is dictated by what's available. For instance, I probably never would have bought a copy of All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy, but finding it at Oxfam it's a risk-free read. And I actually enjoyed it. (Decent writing even if it's a simple cowboy romance.)
And more than once I've had a book in mind that I really want to read, and it just appears there. Spooky. This recently happened with Vernon God Little. The book gods read my mind.
There are also titles you can almost ALWAYS find, for instance The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime, will always be there, in various cover printings and foreign editions. And some random Penguin Classic, today it was Vanity Fair, Jane Austen and Charles Dickens are also a popular finds.
Sometimes the books show up in themes, like someone's taken a class, or rather dropped out of a class, since the spines are usually uncracked and visibly unread. One time I found The Bookseller of Kabul, Reading Lolita in Tehran, and Inside the Kingdom--the "middle-east light" selection, I call it.
Other Oxfam Finds have included
Seems a lot of english speakers/readers in the area use it as a general book swap. That's what I do. I find great books, read them, then give them back just to keep them in circulation. Kind of like Netflix, only you don't get to choose what you read next, it's the luck of the draw. Today I found:
The Little Friend: Donna TarttMartin Amis: The Information
I buy about 90% of my reading material from Oxfam, and it's interesting because my taste is dictated by what's available. For instance, I probably never would have bought a copy of All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy, but finding it at Oxfam it's a risk-free read. And I actually enjoyed it. (Decent writing even if it's a simple cowboy romance.)
And more than once I've had a book in mind that I really want to read, and it just appears there. Spooky. This recently happened with Vernon God Little. The book gods read my mind.
There are also titles you can almost ALWAYS find, for instance The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime, will always be there, in various cover printings and foreign editions. And some random Penguin Classic, today it was Vanity Fair, Jane Austen and Charles Dickens are also a popular finds.
Sometimes the books show up in themes, like someone's taken a class, or rather dropped out of a class, since the spines are usually uncracked and visibly unread. One time I found The Bookseller of Kabul, Reading Lolita in Tehran, and Inside the Kingdom--the "middle-east light" selection, I call it.
Other Oxfam Finds have included
- Burberry 100% camel hair coat (unfortunately 4 sizes too big for me.)
- Hugo Boss sport coat for Karsten (it fit)
- Italian silk scarf
- pewter pill case shaped like a tiny purse or portemonnaie
- coasters with martini recipes and pictures on them
Monday, June 05, 2006
Happy Pfingsten!
Yay! It's yet another public holiday in Germany: PFINGKSTEN. (See exactly one week ago, the last public holiday here. Need some time off? Move to Germany.)
Pfinksten is another of those obscure Catholic holidays nobody's quite sure what the gist is. There was actually a poll on TV where they asked random people on the street what Pfinksten is and NOBODY knew. Not one. None.
I just found out (from a 10 second search of Wikipedia) that it's the day after Pentecost. Yay! Also called Whit Monday in Ireland and the United Kingdom. Maybe Etta or other Catholic school alumnus readers can enlighten us further.
That's about the extent of it, good enough reason for a day off I guess!
Oh, and perfect holiday Weather in Cologne: 57°F (14°C) and SUNNY!
¶ 9:28 PM 3 comments
Yay! It's yet another public holiday in Germany: PFINGKSTEN. (See exactly one week ago, the last public holiday here. Need some time off? Move to Germany.)Pfinksten is another of those obscure Catholic holidays nobody's quite sure what the gist is. There was actually a poll on TV where they asked random people on the street what Pfinksten is and NOBODY knew. Not one. None.
I just found out (from a 10 second search of Wikipedia) that it's the day after Pentecost. Yay! Also called Whit Monday in Ireland and the United Kingdom. Maybe Etta or other Catholic school alumnus readers can enlighten us further.
That's about the extent of it, good enough reason for a day off I guess!
Oh, and perfect holiday Weather in Cologne: 57°F (14°C) and SUNNY!
¶ 9:28 PM 3 comments
Friday, June 02, 2006
They're Writing This Stuff For Me
Thanks to a tip, I found the hilarious "Germany Survival Bible" dedicated to making fun of german sterotypes. What could be more fun?! The original idea, I think, was to explain some of the idiosyncrasies of Deutschland for visitors arriving for the soccer World Cup this month. To me it reads like a huge vent-fest for foreigners and germans alike to wonder about german toilets and genetic crankiness. I've recapped some of the more hilarious articles, just the headlines on these crack me up:
The German National Pastime: Whining, Bitching and Moaning: A certain amount of complaining would be understandable, even acceptable, if Germans had any real reason to complain. But for the most part, they don't. Unlike in the US, there aren't giant potholes in the streets, public transportation exists and is generally extremely reliable, everybody has health insurance, people have four to eight weeks of paid vacation, and politicians aren't any more incompetent than anywhere else.
Teutonic Humor: Vee Have Vays of Making You Laugh: Germany is a nation of humorless robots that will show up to a meeting exactly on time, but who don't know a thing about comic timing. Is Teutonic humor an oxymoron?
Sorry, We're Closed: The Challenge of Spending Money in Germany: It's not just Sundays. Should you actually have a job in Germany and be forced to work into the early evening, you can forget about shopping for groceries on the way home. Or filling a prescription. Or trying to bank. Or buying anything that doesn't involve a vending machine.
Waiting for a Waiter: Surviving Germany's Service Wasteland You'd think getting a beer in the world's beer capital would be easy. But first, you have to get the attention of a German waiter. They, on the other hand, are genetically programmed to ignore you. The universal sign of friendliness -- the smile -- is something most Germans just can't muster. Treating customers as an unwelcome intrusion on an otherwise perfectly fine day in the shop is the norm.
Got a Light? Krauts and Cancer Sticks Germans are health crazed -- except when it comes to smoking. The country leads Western Europe in tobocco consumption. Nothing like a coffin nail after a meat-free, organic quiche.
German Men: Hunky, Handsome, Wimpy and Weak: German males are not only fine physical specimens, but they're also weak, wimpy, afraid of commitment, and painfully shy. Bottom line: If you want a relationship with a German dude, be prepared to do the heavy lifting yourself.
Bureaucracy Gone Awry: The German Certificate Fetish: (I wasn't making up that stuff about needing to be 'certified' to walk dogs at the animal shelter.) Collecting and storing certificates documenting every aspect of life is a national pastime. And if you don't have the right one, you may not exist. Applications in Germany need certificates documenting almost every year of an applicant's life from the moment he or she entered elementary school until the moment the application is signed.
Baring It All: Get Naked with the Germans: The Germans love to be naked. They'll strip off just about anywhere and any time. You'll see naked Germans everywhere. Lying on the banks of the Isar River smack in the center of Munich. On the shores of the Havel on the outskirts of Berlin. In public parks. Then there's the sauna. (remember my nude shower scene?)
The Oompa Loompa Look: Why Are so many Germans Orange? Did you know Germans invented the tanning bed? Germans love to fake 'n' bake. So much so that the skin colors in late winter are postively alarming -- ranging from jaundice yellow to Tuscan terracotta.
Bavarian Cuisine: The Albino Hot Dog When it comes to cuisine, Germany is at a disadvantage. Bavarian breakfast: a white sausage is little more than spiced leftovers from the slaughter house crammed into a bit of pig intestine.
The Hasselhoff Blemish: Germany's Ticklish History: Germany has a lot of skeletons in its historical closet. One in particular makes younger Germans fidget. The popularity of David Hasselhoff is simply impossible to explain.
Now what in the world am I going to write about, they've stolen my thunder...
Current Weather in Cologne: we've made it up to 56F (13C) today and mostly partly cloudy, only one shower so far! In german terms, it's a beautiful day!
¶ 3:37 PM 10 comments
The German National Pastime: Whining, Bitching and Moaning: A certain amount of complaining would be understandable, even acceptable, if Germans had any real reason to complain. But for the most part, they don't. Unlike in the US, there aren't giant potholes in the streets, public transportation exists and is generally extremely reliable, everybody has health insurance, people have four to eight weeks of paid vacation, and politicians aren't any more incompetent than anywhere else.
Teutonic Humor: Vee Have Vays of Making You Laugh: Germany is a nation of humorless robots that will show up to a meeting exactly on time, but who don't know a thing about comic timing. Is Teutonic humor an oxymoron?
Sorry, We're Closed: The Challenge of Spending Money in Germany: It's not just Sundays. Should you actually have a job in Germany and be forced to work into the early evening, you can forget about shopping for groceries on the way home. Or filling a prescription. Or trying to bank. Or buying anything that doesn't involve a vending machine.
Waiting for a Waiter: Surviving Germany's Service Wasteland You'd think getting a beer in the world's beer capital would be easy. But first, you have to get the attention of a German waiter. They, on the other hand, are genetically programmed to ignore you. The universal sign of friendliness -- the smile -- is something most Germans just can't muster. Treating customers as an unwelcome intrusion on an otherwise perfectly fine day in the shop is the norm.
Got a Light? Krauts and Cancer Sticks Germans are health crazed -- except when it comes to smoking. The country leads Western Europe in tobocco consumption. Nothing like a coffin nail after a meat-free, organic quiche.
German Men: Hunky, Handsome, Wimpy and Weak: German males are not only fine physical specimens, but they're also weak, wimpy, afraid of commitment, and painfully shy. Bottom line: If you want a relationship with a German dude, be prepared to do the heavy lifting yourself.
Bureaucracy Gone Awry: The German Certificate Fetish: (I wasn't making up that stuff about needing to be 'certified' to walk dogs at the animal shelter.) Collecting and storing certificates documenting every aspect of life is a national pastime. And if you don't have the right one, you may not exist. Applications in Germany need certificates documenting almost every year of an applicant's life from the moment he or she entered elementary school until the moment the application is signed.
Baring It All: Get Naked with the Germans: The Germans love to be naked. They'll strip off just about anywhere and any time. You'll see naked Germans everywhere. Lying on the banks of the Isar River smack in the center of Munich. On the shores of the Havel on the outskirts of Berlin. In public parks. Then there's the sauna. (remember my nude shower scene?)The Oompa Loompa Look: Why Are so many Germans Orange? Did you know Germans invented the tanning bed? Germans love to fake 'n' bake. So much so that the skin colors in late winter are postively alarming -- ranging from jaundice yellow to Tuscan terracotta.
Bavarian Cuisine: The Albino Hot Dog When it comes to cuisine, Germany is at a disadvantage. Bavarian breakfast: a white sausage is little more than spiced leftovers from the slaughter house crammed into a bit of pig intestine.
The Hasselhoff Blemish: Germany's Ticklish History: Germany has a lot of skeletons in its historical closet. One in particular makes younger Germans fidget. The popularity of David Hasselhoff is simply impossible to explain.
Now what in the world am I going to write about, they've stolen my thunder...
Current Weather in Cologne: we've made it up to 56F (13C) today and mostly partly cloudy, only one shower so far! In german terms, it's a beautiful day!
¶ 3:37 PM 10 comments
