Friday, June 02, 2006
They're Writing This Stuff For Me
Thanks to a tip, I found the hilarious "Germany Survival Bible" dedicated to making fun of german sterotypes. What could be more fun?! The original idea, I think, was to explain some of the idiosyncrasies of Deutschland for visitors arriving for the soccer World Cup this month. To me it reads like a huge vent-fest for foreigners and germans alike to wonder about german toilets and genetic crankiness. I've recapped some of the more hilarious articles, just the headlines on these crack me up:
The German National Pastime: Whining, Bitching and Moaning: A certain amount of complaining would be understandable, even acceptable, if Germans had any real reason to complain. But for the most part, they don't. Unlike in the US, there aren't giant potholes in the streets, public transportation exists and is generally extremely reliable, everybody has health insurance, people have four to eight weeks of paid vacation, and politicians aren't any more incompetent than anywhere else.
Teutonic Humor: Vee Have Vays of Making You Laugh: Germany is a nation of humorless robots that will show up to a meeting exactly on time, but who don't know a thing about comic timing. Is Teutonic humor an oxymoron?
Sorry, We're Closed: The Challenge of Spending Money in Germany: It's not just Sundays. Should you actually have a job in Germany and be forced to work into the early evening, you can forget about shopping for groceries on the way home. Or filling a prescription. Or trying to bank. Or buying anything that doesn't involve a vending machine.
Waiting for a Waiter: Surviving Germany's Service Wasteland You'd think getting a beer in the world's beer capital would be easy. But first, you have to get the attention of a German waiter. They, on the other hand, are genetically programmed to ignore you. The universal sign of friendliness -- the smile -- is something most Germans just can't muster. Treating customers as an unwelcome intrusion on an otherwise perfectly fine day in the shop is the norm.
Got a Light? Krauts and Cancer Sticks Germans are health crazed -- except when it comes to smoking. The country leads Western Europe in tobocco consumption. Nothing like a coffin nail after a meat-free, organic quiche.
German Men: Hunky, Handsome, Wimpy and Weak: German males are not only fine physical specimens, but they're also weak, wimpy, afraid of commitment, and painfully shy. Bottom line: If you want a relationship with a German dude, be prepared to do the heavy lifting yourself.
Bureaucracy Gone Awry: The German Certificate Fetish: (I wasn't making up that stuff about needing to be 'certified' to walk dogs at the animal shelter.) Collecting and storing certificates documenting every aspect of life is a national pastime. And if you don't have the right one, you may not exist. Applications in Germany need certificates documenting almost every year of an applicant's life from the moment he or she entered elementary school until the moment the application is signed.
Baring It All: Get Naked with the Germans: The Germans love to be naked. They'll strip off just about anywhere and any time. You'll see naked Germans everywhere. Lying on the banks of the Isar River smack in the center of Munich. On the shores of the Havel on the outskirts of Berlin. In public parks. Then there's the sauna. (remember my nude shower scene?)
The Oompa Loompa Look: Why Are so many Germans Orange? Did you know Germans invented the tanning bed? Germans love to fake 'n' bake. So much so that the skin colors in late winter are postively alarming -- ranging from jaundice yellow to Tuscan terracotta.
Bavarian Cuisine: The Albino Hot Dog When it comes to cuisine, Germany is at a disadvantage. Bavarian breakfast: a white sausage is little more than spiced leftovers from the slaughter house crammed into a bit of pig intestine.
The Hasselhoff Blemish: Germany's Ticklish History: Germany has a lot of skeletons in its historical closet. One in particular makes younger Germans fidget. The popularity of David Hasselhoff is simply impossible to explain.
Now what in the world am I going to write about, they've stolen my thunder...
Current Weather in Cologne: we've made it up to 56F (13C) today and mostly partly cloudy, only one shower so far! In german terms, it's a beautiful day!
¶ 3:37 PM
The German National Pastime: Whining, Bitching and Moaning: A certain amount of complaining would be understandable, even acceptable, if Germans had any real reason to complain. But for the most part, they don't. Unlike in the US, there aren't giant potholes in the streets, public transportation exists and is generally extremely reliable, everybody has health insurance, people have four to eight weeks of paid vacation, and politicians aren't any more incompetent than anywhere else.
Teutonic Humor: Vee Have Vays of Making You Laugh: Germany is a nation of humorless robots that will show up to a meeting exactly on time, but who don't know a thing about comic timing. Is Teutonic humor an oxymoron?
Sorry, We're Closed: The Challenge of Spending Money in Germany: It's not just Sundays. Should you actually have a job in Germany and be forced to work into the early evening, you can forget about shopping for groceries on the way home. Or filling a prescription. Or trying to bank. Or buying anything that doesn't involve a vending machine.
Waiting for a Waiter: Surviving Germany's Service Wasteland You'd think getting a beer in the world's beer capital would be easy. But first, you have to get the attention of a German waiter. They, on the other hand, are genetically programmed to ignore you. The universal sign of friendliness -- the smile -- is something most Germans just can't muster. Treating customers as an unwelcome intrusion on an otherwise perfectly fine day in the shop is the norm.
Got a Light? Krauts and Cancer Sticks Germans are health crazed -- except when it comes to smoking. The country leads Western Europe in tobocco consumption. Nothing like a coffin nail after a meat-free, organic quiche.
German Men: Hunky, Handsome, Wimpy and Weak: German males are not only fine physical specimens, but they're also weak, wimpy, afraid of commitment, and painfully shy. Bottom line: If you want a relationship with a German dude, be prepared to do the heavy lifting yourself.
Bureaucracy Gone Awry: The German Certificate Fetish: (I wasn't making up that stuff about needing to be 'certified' to walk dogs at the animal shelter.) Collecting and storing certificates documenting every aspect of life is a national pastime. And if you don't have the right one, you may not exist. Applications in Germany need certificates documenting almost every year of an applicant's life from the moment he or she entered elementary school until the moment the application is signed.
Baring It All: Get Naked with the Germans: The Germans love to be naked. They'll strip off just about anywhere and any time. You'll see naked Germans everywhere. Lying on the banks of the Isar River smack in the center of Munich. On the shores of the Havel on the outskirts of Berlin. In public parks. Then there's the sauna. (remember my nude shower scene?)The Oompa Loompa Look: Why Are so many Germans Orange? Did you know Germans invented the tanning bed? Germans love to fake 'n' bake. So much so that the skin colors in late winter are postively alarming -- ranging from jaundice yellow to Tuscan terracotta.
Bavarian Cuisine: The Albino Hot Dog When it comes to cuisine, Germany is at a disadvantage. Bavarian breakfast: a white sausage is little more than spiced leftovers from the slaughter house crammed into a bit of pig intestine.
The Hasselhoff Blemish: Germany's Ticklish History: Germany has a lot of skeletons in its historical closet. One in particular makes younger Germans fidget. The popularity of David Hasselhoff is simply impossible to explain.
Now what in the world am I going to write about, they've stolen my thunder...
Current Weather in Cologne: we've made it up to 56F (13C) today and mostly partly cloudy, only one shower so far! In german terms, it's a beautiful day!
¶ 3:37 PM
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للاستفسار والتواصل:
01025873723-01550057331
01550057332-01016363128
https://9551.home.blog/
https://clinic144.blogspot.com/
https://clinic111.weebly.com/
https://www.instagram.com/egypt__clinics/
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