Das Blog
Monday, September 04, 2006
  For My Protection
I had a blog worthy morning at the gym again today. Actually it started on Saturday when I spent two hours trying on bathing suits until my skin was raw. Finally I decided on a boring Speedo based purely on the comfortable non-wedge-inducing fit.

So why, I wondered only a few minutes into my WaterFit class, was it giving me such a terrible wedge in use? Did I accidentally buy the wrong size? Did it shrink? Then I remembered...

I don't think they do this with men's bathing suits, but women's suits are sold with a crotch shaped safety sticker that clearly says REMOVE AFTER PURCHASE, to keep you from getting/spreading cooties while trying them on. Well I guess I forgot to remove the safety seal and only realize while the suit was in action in the pool.

I tried to figure out a way to discreetly rip it out under water but soon gave up and just agonized through the rest of the class. Now not only am I in pain, but the cootie fear alert level is pretty high. But chlorine kills cooties pretty good, doesn't it, I mean that's why they put it IN the pool in the first place, right?
Thursday, August 31, 2006
  Addictive Oxfam Find
One of the reasons I haven't been posting for so long is this brand new, completely unused, and utterly addictive find from the Oxfam store: When I first picked it up I thought it was just a cartoon book from the NY Times, and was thrilled! Then I saw it was cartoons and *puzzles* and thought 'uhhh, well guess I'll get it anyway,' it still had some cartoons.

But from the moment I got home and openend it I could not put it down. I stayed up way to late doing crosswords and agonized over fill in the blanks.

But finally I've finished it. And now I'm in withdrawl.

Monday, August 28, 2006
  Das Blog Lives
When people ask me how I like living in Germany, I'm tempted to reply "well, Germany's fine, it's the Germans I can do without." But that's too rude, isn't it? It's hard to articulate exaclty what's so difficult about Germans as a group. Cold. Distant. Unfriendly. Unapproachable. Uptight. They all touch on the idea, but none hits it on the head.

Having a dog has proven to be a great segue into conversations with other dog-walking neighbors who, on the most part are happy to engage in dog chit-chat, then act as if they've never met me four hours later on the next walk.

This evening's walked proved a perfect example of German terseness/unfriendliness. I thought I spotted another greyhound in the park, and it being an unusual breed thought I'd chat with the guy walking it:

Me: Is that a greyhound?
Guy: What?
Me: Your dog, is it a greyhound?
Guy: A what?
Me: The breed, is it a GreyHound?
Guy: No.
Me: Oh, it looks kind of like my dog, I thought maybe it was a greyhound.
Guy: (looking increasingly annoyed) No, it's a mix.

And he walked off.

See what happened was, I broke rule #1 of german interaction: Don't talk to people you don't know. It's built into the language too, you have to call someone by the formal address until you've known them either ten years or slept with them 100 times, whichever comes first. So all the neighbors I engage in dog chit-chat with will keep me at a distance for at least ten years, and ignore me outside our usual dog walking context.

Germans are the exact polar opposite of Californians.
Friday, August 04, 2006
  I'm a messy eater (and I gloat)
You know those detergent ads where the woman holds up a white shirt with a huge plate size splotch of chocolate right next to a huge grass stain? And you think: "who in the WORLD is that messy, I mean how could you possibly get that huge stain on your chest?"

Well now I know the answer, and apparently, it's me.

This is not a studio shot or created stain, I assure you. It happened as I was getting ready to relax on the couch and enjoy an (open face) pbj, and as I plopped down, the pbj
slid off my plate and adhered to my chest. (translation for non-americans: pbj=peanut butter and jelly. and yes, I eat that and no it's not disgusting.)

So I've created the perfect stain, a huge splotch of BLACK CHERRY jelly rubbed in with greasy peanut butter. Will it come out? I have confidence, what do you think?

In other news, the heatwave in Europe is officially OVER!!!! We suffered through our two/three weeks of DC heat and humity, completely without a/c (well except me but that doesn't count because it only managed to lower the temp ONE degree.)

The past few days have been blissful low seventies (today 72F) cargo pants and, yes, jean jacket weather. And I love it. NO COMPLAINTS-can you belive it?! This is truly one of the (few) perks of living in Europe. There's nothing to eat, it rains and is pitch black nine months a year, but the brief, gorgeous summer, well, it's a relief.

Won't you come visit during the few pleasant weeks we have?
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
  Stevie Nicks meets Little House on the Prarie
Have I ranted to you on the subject of how appalled I am by women's fashion this summer? Well I'm ranting some more. It could not be a worse combination of unappealing fabrics in unflattering cuts, or at least the worst combo since 1971.

Right is a prime example of what I consider the Stevie Nicks meets Little House on the Prarie look, this one a little more Prarie than Nicks. Tell me, is there any possible figure-type besides pregnant that might be flattered by this look? There's no waistline, not to mention they've combined hundreds of hideous calico scrap into one dress.

And on the side of more Nicks than Prarie we have the white eyelet fabric known in sheets and bedspreads of yore, now showing up in clothing for adult women.

Why all the droopyness, are you TRYING to make us look fat and slouchy? Why would this woman want to hide her hips and legs under long, flowing hippie skirts?

To accesorize my Nicks-Prarie outfit, I'm expected to wear classic "Old Lady Junk Jewelry," the kind the retired, drunk sculptor-lady with lots of cats in your neighborhood wore in 1979.

Doesn't this necklace just scream Modern Sophistication?! It looks like she made it at summer camp on acid. The headband's a nice touch too.

I refuse. As much as I constantly need new clothes, I WILL NOT go there. Not even close. There is no calico in my closet, and my credit card stayed in the wallet on my first summer shopping trip and stayed there all summer.

As a result, any time you see me between late June and end of August you can count on my uniform of jean skirt, polo and flip flops. Unoriginal, boring, predictable, I know, but completely without shame.
Friday, July 21, 2006
  More Complaining
Tomorrow morning at 8am I'm taking the train to Amsterdam. I've been really excited about this trip until recently, very recently. Like yesterday, when I looked at the weather forecast and saw it's supposed to be in the 90s. In *Amsterdam* where the average high in July is 71F! What the hell is going on?

And in case you're wondering just how cute my dog is (n) here's a picture. Enjoy her cuteness. PINCHY!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
  Back to the Regular Complaining
It's HOT AS HELL here! And I'm not just whining, yesterday it was 97°F, and it's supposed to be mid-90s again today. This is a land with no air-conditioning. I mean nowhere, not movie theaters, airports, stores, trains, nothing. So even when it's only 85°F outdoors, it's 105°F indoors. And don't tell me to open a window, where are the windows in the movie theater, or the airport?

I may just be the one person in Cologne with an personal air conditioner in my apartment. But I can't turn it on. Here's why (and you may want to stop reading at this point if you're easily upset, like I am, because the following is thoroughly depressing.)

I just found out I caused the famine in Ethiopia in the 1980s. Me, and you, and everyone in North America and Europe. They finally figured out what caused it: our pollution.

Literally. Not the chemical pollution like c02 that's ruining the ozone, but our particle polution like soot and grime, the stuff that causes haze. A huge cloud of haze hovered over the sea, reflecting the sunligh back out into space. The sunlight failed to heat and evaporate the sea water which usually travels over Africa and creates the monsoon.

So the particle pollution you and I created by running our air-conditioners, hair dryers, dishwashers and cars directly lead to the deaths of thousands of people from starvation in Africa.

The good news, in a way, is that the US and Europe have cut way back on particle pollution by cleaning exhaust (though we haven't cut back much at all on c02 pollution). Turns out that haze was reflecting a lot of HEAT back into the atmosphere, cancelling out some of the global warming. So global warming is actually happening faster than we thought, because our own pollution was protecting us a little.

Ironic, isn't it? Therefore, roasting as I am, I'm loathe to turn on the air-conditioner. Those were real actual people who starved to death for my (our) lifestyle. I like to try to pretend that my lifestyle really doesn't harm anyone, maybe only indirectly, but I've been proven wrong. It makes a huge difference, and not just Karma, but actual direct harm.

Does a fan use substantially less energy than a/c?

My Photo
Location: Köln, Nordrhein Westfalen, Germany

Washingtonian living in Germany, which is really cute (except when it's not.)

I tend to get cranky very easily. And I'm a BIG complainer. Consider yourself warned.

Currently reading: The Information by Martin Amis
Just finished: Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Back to the Regular Complaining
Lord Malte von Putbus
Vacation: More of This (nudity)
They're Writing This Stuff for Me
News Flash: Germans Named Europe's "Least Friendly"
Daily Complaint: The Weather
Nice Haystacks
Sunday Brunch Das Blog Style
Suburban White Middle Class Guilt
Lord Vader's Handicapped Parking Space
Homer-esque Fantasy
Blog on Blog Action
More Funny Names
Animal Shelter: Day One
Nude Shower Scene
Funny Names
Speaking of Cake...
World Class B.O.
Me Walk Pretty One Day

March 2006 / April 2006 / May 2006 / June 2006 / July 2006 / August 2006 / September 2006 /

Powered by Blogger

Who links to me?